What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
A bee with a
cold !
What is a bee's favourite classical music
composer ?
Bee-thoven !
What does a queen bee do when she burps
?
Issues a royal pardon !
Where would you put an injured insect ?
In an
antbulance !
What do bees do if they want to use public
transport ?
Wait at a buzz stop !
What do you call a bee who's had a spell put
on him ?
He's bee-witched !
Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to
work?
A: A buzzness suit!
What has four wheels and flies ?
A rubbish
bin !
What lives in gum trees ?
Stick insects !
What is the biggest ant in the world ?
An
elephant !
What's a bee-line ?
The shortest distance
between two buzz-stops !
First Caribou: What do
you call a bee that
can't make up his mind?
Second Caribou: A maybee.
Q: What did one flea say to the other flea
when they came out of the movies? - A: Should we walk home or take a
dog?
What happened to the man who turned into an
insect ?
He just beetled off !
What do you get when you cross a bell with a
bee?
A humdinger.
One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she
asked.
"Oh, same as usual," he replied, "boring."
What is the difference
between an elephant
and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have
elephants !
What
did the bee say to the naughty bee
?
Bee-hive yourself !
Who writes books for little bees ?
Bee-trix
Potter !
Why did the bee started talking poetry ?
He
was waxing lyrical !
What's more dangerous than being with a fool
?
Fooling with a bee !
What's black, yellow and covered in
blackberries ?
A bramble bee !
How does a queen bee get around her hive
?
She's throne !
First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor
cycle
stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
First Caribou: Which bug gobbles up
trash?
Second Caribou: The litterbug.
How do we know that insects are so clever
?
Because they always know when your eating outside !
Can bees fly in
the rain ?
Not without
their little yellow jackets !
What buzzes, is black and
yellow and goes
along the bottom of the sea ?
A bee in a submarine !
Why do bees hum ?
Because they've forgotten
the words !
What kind of bees hum and drop
things
?
A fumble bee !
What did the bee say to the flower ?
Hello
honey !
What's a bees favourite flower ?
A
bee-gonias !
What did the confused bee say ?
To bee or
not to bee !
What is black and yellow and buzzes along at
30,000 feet ?
A bee is an aeroplane !
What are the cleverest bees ?
Spelling bees
!
What bee is good for your health ?
Vitamin
bee !
What goes zzub, zzub ?
A bee flying
backwards !
Why do bees buzz ?
Because they can't
whistle !
What kind of bee can't be understood ?
A
mumble bee !
What does a bee get at McDonalds ?
A
humburger !
Who is a bee's favourite painter ?
Pablo
Beecasso !
What did the spider say to the bee ?
Your
honey or your life !
What is a baby bee ?
A little humbug !
What is the bees favourite film ?
The Sting
!
Who is the bees favourite singer ?
Sting
!
Who is the bees favourite pop group ?
The
bee gees !
What did the bee to the other bee in summer
?
Swarm here isn't it !
Where do bees keep their money ?
In a honey
box !
What TV station do bees watch ?
Bee bee c
one!
What's a bees favourite novel ?
The Great
Gats-bee !
What do you get if you cross a bee with a door
bell?
A hum dinger !
How many bees do you need in a bee choir ?
A
humdred !
What does the bee Santa Claus say ?
Ho hum
hum !
Why did the bees go on strike ?
Because they
wanted more honey and shorter working flowers !
Why do
bees have sticky hair ?
Beacuse
of the honey combs !
Where do bees go on holiday ?
Stingapore
!
What do bees chew ?
Bumble gum !
Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other
bees ?
Because they kept droning on and on !
What does a bee say before it
stings you
?
This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !
What kind of
bee can keep an aeroplane dry
?
An aero-drone !
What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a
flea ?
Bugs Bunny !
How do you start an insect race ?
One, two,
flea - go
What is the difference between a flea and a
wolf
?
One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie
!
What to
you call a Russian flea ?
A
Moscow-ito !
How do you find where a flea has bitten you
?
Start from scratch !
Who rode a dog and was a confederate general
during the American Civil War ?
Robert E Flea !
Two fleas where running across the top of a
cereal
packet ?
"Why are we running so fast ?" said one
Because
it says "Tear along the dotted line"
What did one flea say
to the other after a
night out ?
Shall we walk home or take a dog ?
What is a flea's favourite book ?
The
itch-hikers guide to the galaxy !
What is the most faithful
insect ?
A
flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them !
What insect runs away from everything ?
A
flee !
What is the difference between a flea bitten
dog and a bored
visitor ?
Ones going to itch and the other is
itching to go !
How to fleas
travel ?
Itch hiking !
Why did the firefly keep stealing things
?
What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ?
A firefly with a short circuit
!
Which fly makes films ?
Stephen Speilbug
!
What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ?
A
firefly with a short circuit !
Why did the fly fly ?
Why were the
flies playing football in
saucer ?
They where playing for the cup !
How do fireflies start a race ?
Ready steady
glow !
If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you
know which one is the American Football player ?
The one in the
sugar bowl !
What did one firefly say to the other ?
Got
to glow now !
What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger
with
an insect ?
The Masked-quito !
What has antlers and sucks blood ?
A
moose-quito !
Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?
To
improve his bite !
What is a mosquito's favourite sport
?
Skin-diving !
How do you know if you have a tough mosquito
?
You slap him and he slaps you back !
What is the difference between a
mosquito
and a fly ?
Try sewing buttons on a mosquito !
What is the most religious insect
?
A
mosque-ito !
What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code ?
A
morese-quito !
Why are mosquitos religious ?
They prey on
you !
What do insects learn at school ?
Mothmatics
!
How do you make a butterfly ?
Flick it out
of the butter dish with a knife !
What insect lives on
nothing ?
A moth,
because it eats holes
What do you get if you cross a firefly
and
a moth ?
An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !
How do stones
stop moths eating your
clothes ?
Because rolling stones gather no moths !
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet
?
He wanted to see the floor show !
What's the biggest moth in the
world
?
A mammoth !
Why was the moth so unpopular ?
He kept
picking holes in everything !
What do you call a grasshopper
with no legs
?
A grasshover !
What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk ?
A
centipede with a wooden leg !
Why was the centipede dropped from the insect
football team ?
He took too long to put his boots on !
What is worse than an
alligator with
toothache ?
A centipede with athlete's foot !
What has 50 legs but cant walk ?
Half a
centipede !
Why was the centipede late ?
Because he was
playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother
!
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a
chicken ?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army !
What did one centipede say to the other
centipede ?
You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely
pair of
legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely
pair of
legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely
pair of legs
....!
What pillar doesn't need holding up ?
A
caterpillar !
What does a cat go to sleep on ?
A
caterpillow !
What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day
?
Turns over a new leaf !
What is the definition of a caterpillar ?
A
worm in a fur coat !
Why don't other bugs like earwigs ?
Because
they are always earwigging their conversations !
What kind of
wig can hear ?
An earwig
!
What did the earwig say as it fell down the
stairs ?
Ear we go !
What did the maggot say to his friend when he
got stuck
in an apple ?
Worm your way out of that one !
Why didn't the two worms get on
Noah's
Ark in an apple ?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs !
How can you tell which end of a worm is which
?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !
How do you make a
glow worm happy ?
Cut
off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !
What's a glow worms
favourite song
?
Wake me up before you glow glow !
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her
children weren't that bright !
What do you get if you
cross a glow worm
with some beer ?
Light ale !
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young
goat ?
A dirty kid !
What did the maggot say to another ?
What's
a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !
What did
the woodworm say to the chair
?
It's been nice gnawing you !
How can you tell if you are looking at
a
police glow worm ?
it has a blue light !
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag
?
They can lighten your load !
What did the worm say to the other when he was
late home ?
Where in earth have you been !
What do you get if you cross a worm
and an
elephant ?
Very big worm holes in your garden !
What makes a glow worm glow ?
A light meal
!
Why do worms taste like chewing gum
?
Because they're wrigleys !
What is life like for a wood worm ?
Boring
!
What did the spider say when he broke his new
web ?
Darn it !
What happened when the chef found a daddy long
legs in the
salad ?
It became a daddy short legs !
What do you get if you cross a
tarantula
with a rose ?
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it !
Why did the spider
buy a car ?
So he
could take it out for a spin !
What does a spider do when he
gets angry
?
He goes up the wall !
Why are spiders good swimmers ?
They have
webbed feet !
What is red and dangerous ?
Strawberry and
tarantula jelly !
What did the spider say to the fly ?
We're
getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?
How do
you spot a modern spider ?
He
doesn't have a web he had a website !
What are spiders webs good
for ?
Spiders
!
What do you call a big irish spider ?
Paddy
long legs !
What is a spiders favourite TV show ?
The
newly web game !
What do you get if you cross a spider and an
elephant ?
I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the
ceiling then run
before it collapses !
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ?
A
spinning wheel !
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as
horses ?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital !
What kind of doctors are like spiders ?
Spin
doctors !
Why are spiders like tops ?
They are always
spinning !
What did the wife spider say to her
husband
when he tried to explain why he was late ?
Your spinning me a yarn
here !
QUESTION: What do you get from a bee
that
has an udder?
ANSWER: Milk and honey.
What kind of bugs bother sporting dogs?
Ath-fleats!
How to fleas travel ?
Itch hiking !
What is the difference between a flea bitten
dog and a
bored visitor ?
Ones going to itch and the other is
itching to go !
First Caribou:
What well-known cartoon
character do moths like a hole lot?
Second Caribou: Micky Moth!
Boy: What's the biggest ant in the
world?
Girl: My Aunt
Boy: No, it's an elephant.
Girl: You
obviously haven't met my Aunt
What do you call an ant with
frog's legs?
An antphibian.
Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because
they're full of anty-bodies !
What do you call a scruffy,
lazy ant?
Decadant.
What do you call a stupid ant?
Antwerp.
What are ants called when they run away very
fast to get
married?
Ant-elopers.
Where do you take a sick wasp?
To
waspital.
What is the wasps' favorite song?
Just a
Spoonful of Sugar.
Surveyor: This house is a ruin. I wonder
what stops it from falling down.
Owner: I think the woodworm are
holding hands.
How do fireflies start
a race?
Ready,
steady, glow!
What do you get if you cross a moth with a
firefly?
An insect that can find its way around a dark closet.
If a flea and a
fly pass each other what
time is it?
Fly past flea.
A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a
saloon, drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up
from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my
dog?"
How do you make a moth bawl?
Hit him with a
fly swatter.
What insect lives on nothing?
A moth,
because it eats holes.
Which fly captured the ladybird?
The
dragon-fly.
Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest?
Because she was a litter bug.
What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes?
A bite-time story.
Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one
mosquito?
Because an itch in time saves nine.
Why are mosquitoes annoying?
Because they
get under your skin.
What did one mosquito say to
another when
they came out of the cinema?
Fancy a bite?
Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw
a
drunken man.
One said to the other, "You bite him ? I'm
driving."
A mother moth was telling her baby moth off
saying, "If you don't eat all your cotton, you won't get any
satin."
How can you make a moth ball ?
Hit it with
a fly swatter.
Q: What did the Pink Panther say when he
stepped on an ant?
A: "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant ..
Dead Ant"
(to the tune of Pink Panther theme).
How do fireflies lose weight?
They burn
calories.
One ant was running across an unopened box of
crackers and urging another to speed up. "But why do we have to
hurry?"
said one. "Can you read, you nut! It says, Tear along the
dotted
line'".
