How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a
living?
By appearing in television spooktaculars.
What did the papa ghost say
to the baby
ghost.
Fasten your sheet belt.
What do you call a ghost that stays out all
night?
Afresh air freak.
Why did the ghost go to the funfair.
He
wanted to go on the rollerghoster.
Why did the ghost work at
Scotland Yard?
He was the Chief In-Spectre.
What do you call the ghost who is a
child-rearing expert?
Dr Spook.
Which ghost ate too much porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at
his
local pub?
The landlord said "Sorry, we don't serve
spirits."
What is a ghost
boxer called?
A
phantomweight.
What happened to the ghost who went to a party?
He had a wail of a time.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian?
He
was booed off stage.
Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to
fly?
He was pleased to be back on terror-firma.
Did you hear about the
ghost who enjoyed
doing housework?
He used to go round with the oooo-ver.
A man was staying in a big old
house and in
the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said,
"I have
been walking these corridors for 300 years."
The man said, "in that
case, can you tell me the way to the
toilet?"
Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
What are pupils at ghost schools called?
Ghoulboys and ghoulgirls.
What do you get is you cross a ghost with a
packet of potato chips?
Snacks that go crunch in the night.
What do you call a ghost who only
haunts the
Town Hall?
The nightmayor.
Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated
into
my room!
Ghost: Don't worry, ma'am, I'm just passing
through.
What did one
ghost say to another?
I'm
sorry, but I just don't believe in people.
What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping?
Lazy bones.
Who said "Shiver me timbers!" on the ghost ship?
The skeleton crew.
What do young ghosts write their homework in?
Exorcise books.
A butler came running into his important
master's
office.
"Sir, sir, there's a ghost in the corridor. What
shall I do with
him?" Without looking up from his work the master
said, "Tell him I
can't see him."
Ghost: Are you coming to my party?
Spook:
Where is it?
Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the
morgue the
merrier.
Which ghost ate too much porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
Did you hear about the sick ghost?
He had
oooooo-ping cough.
How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly
flat?
You use a spirit level.
What did the mother ghost say to the naughty
baby ghost?
Spook when you're spooken to.
What is a ghost's favorite Wild West
town?
Tombstone.
When do ghosts play tricks on each other?
On
April Ghoul's Day
Why don't ghosts make good magicians.
You
can see right through their tricks.
What sort of violin does a
ghost play?
A
dreadivarius.
Which day of the week do ghosts like best?
Moandays.
Why were the ghosts wet and tired?
They had
just dread-ged the lake.
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for
rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
One night, after closing time a
barman is
sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral
hound
floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool
kind of guy, asks "yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound
explains, in a haunting voice "I've lost my tail...... and cannot rest
until
a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman
stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... "Sorry, but
we
don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".
Q: How do ghosts fly from
one place to
another? A: By scareplane.
Q: What directions did the
ghost give the
goblin? A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."
What do
ghosts say when a girl footballer is
sent off ?
Ban-she, ban-she !
This girl wanted to marry a ghost. I can't
think what possessed her.
Where would you take a ghost for lunch?
Pizza Haunt!
Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
Student l: "Did
you know that ghosts are
protected by the Constitution?"
Student 2: "They are?"
Student 1:
"Sure. It's in the Bill of Frights!"
What do you call a
ghost at midnight?
A
sheet in the dark!
What did the little ghost eat for lunch?
A
booloney sandwich!
How did the bootician style the ghost's hair?
With a scare dryer!
Why is a ghost like an empty house?
Because
there's no body there!
What Central American country has the
most
spooks?
Ghosta Rica!
Did you hear about the ghost who went on safari?
He was a big-game haunter!
What European capital has the most ghosts?
Boodapest!
What is the first thing ghosts do when they get
into a
car?
They fasten their sheet (seat) belts.
What did the mother ghost tell
the kid ghost
when he went out to play?
"Don't get your sheets dirty!"
How can you tell if a ghost is
about to
faint?
He gets pale as a sheet.
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always
running after the ghost of Henry VIII ?
She was trying to get ahead !
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A
dead end.
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Boo !
Boo
who ?
Just Boo ! I'm a ghost !
What do ghosts watch if they want to
relax?
Skelly-vision!
What's a ghosts favorite ride at the
carnival?
The roller ghosted.
What do you call a ghost with a broken
leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a
ghost?
Bamboo.
Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?
At a
ghastly station.
What do ghosts like about riding horses?
Ghoulloping.
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before
someone screams.
What do you call a ghost in a torn
sheet?
A holy terror.
What did the little ghost give his mom for
Mother's Day?
A booquet of flowers.
Where do baby ghosts go during the
day?
Dayscare centers
What's the first thing ghosts do when they get
into
a car?-
They boo-kle their seatbelts
